Okay, my hypocrisy only goes so far.

I honestly don't give a damn about the Grammys. It's mostly a reward for selling a lot of albums. But I'm going to be a voting member soon so I thought I should look at the choices.

My votes are:

Record of the year: Hard Place – H.E.R. Don’t get me wrong, I like the Billie Eilish song but I’m not really fully on the Lizzo bandwagon and I despise Bon Iver. Everything else is just so ordinary.

Album of the Year: When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? – Billie Eilish. I look for shape when it comes to a full album, and the only other one that comes close is Lana Del Rey’s “Norman Fucking Rockwell!”

Song of the Year: Hard Place – H.E.R. An easy choice given the nominees

Best New Artist (aka the Milli Vanilli Memorial Career Killer Award): Billie Eilish

Best Pop Solo Performance: Taylor Swift – You Need To Calm Down. It’s all about the performance. Taylor swift gives the best performance of the songs nominated. If some of the others had other songs up they might have gotten my vote. Like her or not, Ms. Swift can sing.

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance: SEÑORITA - Shawn Mendes y Camila Cabello. I was all ready to vote for “Boyfriend” by Ariana Grande & Social House until they went into auto-tune mode. Disqualification.

Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album: Look Now – Elvis Costello & The Imposters. Here I look for who contributes the most to expanding the repertoire. This was a pretty easy choice.

Best Pop Vocal Album: When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? – Billie Eilish. Again, it’s about the ALBUM. None of the others even come close.

Best Dance Recording: Underwater – Rufus Du Sol. Which album would get me on the dance floor? This one is it. The Chemical Brothers came in a close second.

Best Dance/Electronic Album: No Geography – The Chemical Brothers. I like the Rufus Du Sol song best, but the best ALBUM is from The Chemical Brothers.

Best Contemporary Instrumental Album: Mettavolution – Rodrigo y Gabriela. Their reworking of Pink Floyd’s “Echoes” is just jaw-dropping.

Best Rock Performance: Woman – Karen O & Danger Mouse. Actually a good crop this year! Shocking! Any one of these could win.

Best Metal Performance: 7empest – Tool. Holy carp Tool came back after so many years with a great freaking album. No one else even comes close in terms of PERFORMANCE.

Best Rock Song: This Land – Gary Clark Jr. Waiting for Trump to tweet about it.

Best Rock Album: Feral Roots – Rival Sons. The selection of albums puzzles me. Tool isn’t nominated. Brittany Howard isn’t nominated. While The Cranberries album is very good, and this would be a nice send off for Dolores O’Riordan, The Feral Roots made a better overall ALBUM.

Best Alternative Music Album: Father of the Bride – Vampire Weekend. The best of 5 terrible choices. I mean, where’s The 1975? The National? Of Monsters and Men? Yeesh  so many bands left off.

Best R&B Performance: Could’ve Been – H.E.R. Featuring Bryson Tiller. Again, it’s all about the performance.

Best Traditional R&B Performance: Jerome – Lizzo, although I have to admit that I’d also vote for “Built for Love by PJ Morton – I’m voting for the more progressive (musically) song

Best R&B Song: Look at me Now – Emily King. Until today I hadn’t even heard this song. It blows the rest out of the water. Good album too.

Best Urban Contemporary Album: Cuz I Love You – Lizzo. Notice that Emily King isn’t nominated. Her album is more old-school. There’s a reason that Lizzo is getting so much attention. She’s not realy my cup of tea, but no denying that she’s good.

Best R&B Album: Paul – PJ Morton. Again, a strange selection of albums to pick. PJ Morton, hands down.

There are a ton of other categories, many of which I’m simply not qualified to vote on (Rap, Country, New Age, Latin, World Music, Gospel, etc.). On all of the Jazz categories the nominations are all so damned old school I’m staying away out of protest. The only album out of all of them I liked was Antidote by Chick Corea and the Spanish Heart Band.

So – take a shot whenever I get it right. Your liver is probably safe. Choose whatever you’d like just make it CHEAP!

Chief Justice John Roberts does some Swearing.

Remember when the word “Boogaloo” just meant “Bad Sequel”?

Remember when you could say “are you fucking kidding me?” upon a revelation like this?

Holy shit. Is this the new John Dean?

Here come the Feds!

And because I love you, Harry Styles. Really.