Monday, September 24, 2012

Kill the health insurance industry.

Note: This is a re-post of something I wrote in July 2009 – at the height of the debate over the passage of Obamacare. Still relevant.
This one might go a little long. I’m going to talk about myself a lot but there’s no other way to do this.
By the time you’re my age (44) you tend to have had a few medical issues come up. Colds and Flu are one thing, but so far in my life I’ve been in an auto accident that separated my right shoulder blade, busted up my knee skiing, had chicken pox, been mugged and got a broken nose, had dental surgery, an allergic reaction to a medication that nearly killed me, tubes poked in both ends, had mono, a sunburn that landed me in the hospital, a 3rd degree burn on my left hand, and two other incidents that truly stand out that I’m going to tell you about in detail.
You see, I’ve had health insurance my entire adult life. And while I’ve had everything treated and everything covered as you would expect there are some medical issues I’ve had that are a prime example of what’s wrong with the system. Health insurance companies don’t have to exist. I’m going to have to get long-winded to explain why, but trust me, I can.
I get sick to death every time I hear some simpleton politician talk about how bad it is in Canada or England. Sure, they have issues, but please stop pretending the things you’re complaining about don’t happen here every day on a grand scale. Allow me to tell you the story of someone fairly ordinary. Me. I’m going to use three separate examples.
When my shoulder got hurt I needed physical therapy. My insurance covered 4 appointments. I needed more – after 4 appointments I could barely lift my arm to 90 degrees. I paid for the rest of my therapy out of my own pocket.
Okay, that one’s simple. The insurance company would only cover the bare minimum for a person to regain their mobility. Alas, 20 years later my shoulder had issues again, requiring a shot of Cortisone and more physical therapy. I ran into the exact same issue – my insurance (a different carrier than the one before) only covered 4 appointments and they weren’t enough. I paid for the rest out of pocket.
Progress, yes?
I am a cancer survivor. Survivor is really the only way to describe it. From start to finish, the whole thing from when the lump was discovered in my throat to the time it was removed was 4 months, and it was grueling. But I need to back up a step to explain why it was only 4 months instead of the 10 the insurance company wanted.
I had a good doctor near my office in downtown San Francisco. She was in a good location for me and was good at what she did. But 5 years ago she decided she had had enough of the insurance industry and opted out entirely – she formed a co-op with her own insurance plan, an idea I really liked. Thing is, she was only my doctor, not my wife’s and not my kids’. It wouldn’t have worked for them so I went on the search for a new doctor.
I found one out near my home. Actually, two – and they run their clinic in a way I had never seen before. They treat the patient, make the referrals, and then figure out the paperwork afterwards. They seem to take some glee in tweaking the system as much as they can while still following the rules. I feel lucky to have found them and plan to keep them as my primary physicians for as long as I can.
It was at an appointment at their offices two years ago that one of them discovered the lump in my throat the size of a walnut. She knew what it was – I had a growth in my thyroid. There is only one treatment for it; remove the thyroid. Sure, there are doctors and insurance plans that tell you that you should do radiation therapy, chemotherapy, only remove the tumor, try to control it with medication but you can see the results of that in Roger Ebert – we had the same thing and it gives me the shivers to think about it. My doctor knew what had to be done, so she started the process to make certain that my insurance could be convinced of this.
First came the specialist, and that came quickly – within a week. She ran blood tests to confirm that my thyroid levels were out of whack, and that took another week. Confirmation came quick and it explained why I had suddenly gained weight, was losing my temper easily, and my heart was going a bit too fast (there is no history of heart disease in my family at all – got lucky there). She put me on meds for slow down my pulse and then ordered the next step, a biopsy.
Again, here is a circumstance of a step the insurance required as necessary to show that I needed the surgery. The specialist already knew what the outcome would be, but this had to be done. Two weeks later, they stuck a needle in my neck and snipped out a few cells of the lump in my thyroid – an incredibly painful procedure. There is no anesthesia for this, and they did it three times.
Finally, everyone was on board – time for surgery. We can get you scheduled in 8 months as that’s the earliest opening we have with the surgeons we’ve approved for you. My specialist shook her head on hearing the news and started placing phone calls. I don’t know if she was owed a favor or now owes one, but she got my surgery moved up more than 5 months. It was still quite the wait, with my endocrine system throwing my body out of control the whole while and possibly causing problems I still don’t yet know about. I had the surgery and am now left with a small scar (which all other patients I’ve ever seen who have had this done have scars much larger than mine – again, I was lucky) a gland short and little pills that I’m going to be taking for the rest of my life.
You see the issue, of course. From the very first moment my doctor knew what had to be done, and it all could have been resolved quickly, within a month or so, but my insurance had to be convinced and it took all of these hoops jumped through to make it happen. You cannot tell me that a government program would possibly be any worse than this. I got treated, but that was due to the perseverance of my doctors, colleagues calling colleagues and doing everything they could to speed up the process, not because I actually had insurance.
This story is fairly ordinary in our country, and I eventually came out on top. I am cancer free and thyroid free, and I get my medication without any real trouble. It’s an example of everything that is right and wrong with healthcare all in a nutshell – that getting it good requires some luck and the right doctors, and convincing the insurance company that the doctor is doing everything right.
But I told you that story so that I could tell you this one.
People tend to goggle when I tell them the history of my cough. Many people don’t believe it and I do understand that. In this day and age, in this country, how can something so simple go misdiagnosed for so long?
Ask anyone who has known me more than a couple of years and they can tell you about my cough. It’s loud and obnoxious. I got kicked out of a library over it once. And a movie theater. A conductor at a symphony performance tried to stare me down over it once. A comedian I went to see once worked it into his act. It comes when the weather changes, and whenever the hell else it feels like. I’ve never really been able to predict it – all I know is that I cough without actually having a cold or the flu.
Let that sink in a moment. I’ve been coughing most of my life. When people ask me how I stand it I reply that it’s just a part of my life. I’ve had it for so long that I often don’t even notice it. It drives my wife crazy though, and two years ago she asked me to try again to have it diagnosed.
So I went to see the doctor and told her about the cough, coughed a bit, and then she asked the magic question; how long have you had this cough?
34 years, I replied. She just stared at me for a moment, as if I were speaking Flemish. She asked me to repeat it, and I did. She sat down and asked me what I had already tried. I told her that it first appeared when I was 8 and was diagnosed as fluid in the lungs – I can remember seeing an X-ray. I spent 4 years coughing before the doctor said that my lungs had cleared up. The cough continued but by that point we had all grown accustomed to it.
I’ve been told I have asthma. I was once diagnosed as having pneumonia. I was diagnosed twice as faking it. Both of those times I eventually came down with bronchitis and the doctors recanted their original theories. I’ve been told it was allergies. I’ve been told it’s environmental (I did live in a heavy smog area for quite a while). I’ve tried steam treatments. I’ve tried inhalers. I’ve had enough chest X-rays that I refuse them now over fear of overexposure. I’ve tried steroids. I’ve tried pills. In every case it works for a few weeks and then wears off – and I cough again.
My doctor then said, "Maybe we’ve all been looking in the wrong place. Maybe it’s not your lungs." She then proceeded to find the lump in my thyroid, which was unrelated to the cough, and then she theorizes that maybe it’s my stomach that’s doing the damage. Maybe I have a strange form of Acid-reflux.
I had never thought of that. I used to get heartburn a lot and I took antacids to control that. No one, not even me, had made the connection that when I took antacids I didn’t cough. Not in 34 years. Not until a doctor with some imagination and a knack for doing her diagnostics without thinking about the paperwork implications first saw me.
I take OTC acid-reflux medication once a day now – it was a prescription until the OTC got cheaper – and my cough is under control. It turns out it was something simple. Unusual, but simple.
So what’s my point? The insurance industry stifles the imagination of otherwise good doctors. The doctor I first saw for my cough as a kid got me through chicken pox and mono. The doctor I saw who gave me steroids also helped me get my shoulder working again. The doctor who told me I had asthma also gave me Codine whenever I caught a cold, which is the only medicine that ever works for me. All good doctors, but they are all hamstrung by the fact that the insurance providers they work with all say the same thing, "if the patient has a cough check these things first – else we won’t pay for the tings you want to try next."
Having to be responsible for paperwork above all else, having to check with the rules of an insurance company first, these things lead to rushed diagnoses, mistakes, and in my case, an acceptance of a medical condition that I didn’t need to live with after all.
And quite frankly, I’m fairly ordinary. I can’t possibly imagine that my case is all that unique. Sure, 34 years is quite a stretch, but imagine a much shorter period with a person whose condition is life-threatening. My 34 years is nothing in comparison. My 34 years weren’t a misery – I got married and had two kids during those years. I traveled the world during those years. I have a pretty good life. I know lots of people who have had it far worse than me.
The problem with the insurance industry is that it exists at all. It’s an industry. It exists in order to make money, and that drives every decision. When GOP Chairman Michael Steele said the other day that the Obama plan would get in the way of the relationship between the patient and their insurance company (and I assume he mis-spoke, he has a history of it) he summed up everything that is wrong with the picture in a single sentence – that the insurance industry drives health care.
It’s wrong. It should be doctors and their patients driving health care. Everyone should have access to a doctor like mine – one who makes the diagnoses and figures out the paperwork afterwards. But that kind of doctor is very rare, because we have spent decades entrenching an industry into the relationship between our doctors and ourselves. The insurance industry is the weak link, not the strength, and that’s the fight that needs to be fought.
Yes, the Obama plan would probably have a serious impact on the insurance industry. Maybe that’s why they call it "reform" instead of "repair". But for my two cents the industry should be eliminated altogether. Virtually every story about someone waiting months for proper care, a proper diagnosis, a proper payment of a covered procedure, has to do with the insurance industry making things difficult. It’s what they are and they can’t help it.
It’s why they have to go.
Real reform should have nothing at all to do with insurance. It should eliminate insurance from the equation entirely. Health care should be affordable to everyone, and the reason it isn’t is because of the insurance industry. But we don’t have the guts or the political wherewithal to actually eliminate an industry, so this is where government has to step in.
I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I’m not saying that there won’t be bumps in the road. I’m not saying that will solve everything. But this is what government is for. And speaking for me personally, I’d rather pay the higher taxes than get a $500 tax cut and watch my insurance bill climb $3500 – which is what I’ve seen during the past 8 years. Of course my premiums went up – I’ve been sick and now have conditions that will require drugs to control for the next 50 years and some.
I’d rather the government keep the $500 and fix the system already. I’d actually have more money in my pocket if they did.
Yes, if given the chance I’d probably dump my insurance company for the public option. I’d dump anything that gets in the way of the relationship I have with my doctor. Yes, the insurance industry will take a hit, and that’s how it should be. They had their chance, and they failed. We can no longer afford to reward their failure. It’s time for them to go.
And for those millions and millions who can’t even get the level of care I got because they have no insurance at all, it seems to be that the bare minimum we can do is at least get their experiences up to the level of mine. It’s not great, it can be better, but come on now, can you honestly say that what happened to me is worse that what could happen to you? The millions and millions of you? One bad flu epidemic like the one we’re expecting this fall and a lot of people will be wishing for my 34-year cough.
Roughly 1 person in 5 has it worse than I do just from the simple fact that they have no insurance at all. Why is it that we can’t have a system where these people have it at least as good as I’ve had it, and I’ve complained for over 2,600 words now? Why is it that so many people in Washington D.C. don’t understand that the level of difficulty they say will come is a step up for so many people?
It’s because they’re tied to the idea that the health insurance industry has to exist. It doesn’t. My own life experiences have shown me that everything that these politicians say will go wrong has already gone wrong – just within an industry instead of government. And I can’t vote out my insurance company.
If the government screws up we’ll vote them out and try again – yet another advantage to it being government that runs things. I assure you that nothing will get a different political party in power than dissatisfaction with how things are being done. We don’t have that option with our insurance companies.
To put it simply, there is no reason for the health insurance industry to exist. It can be done as well if not better without them at all, and this scares the crap out of them. It is obsolescence clinging onto power, and if there wasn’t so much power already grabbed it would be sad to watch.
I handle money for a living, and I know this.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The Needle and the Damage Done

Hello everyone - did you miss me? I don't like to blog much during a Presidential erection election because with all the voices out there I usually don't have much to contribute. But today I do, so I'm out here yelling into the ether with no hope of swaying a single soul. Such is my curse. But I'm taking up the cause again, and that will make my mom happy. There will be no video version of this rant, but those will return as well.

Mitt Romney is such a fucking slimeball. Saying we sided with the terrorists that killed our ambassador in Libya (we didn't) and attempting to do armchair diplomacy without all the facts in place shows just how unready this dickhead is to lead the free world. I've had spirited discussions today with people who talk about the pleas for calm and understanding in Cairo, where the rioting first began, to the talk about the opportunist murderers who took advantage of this and killed four State Department employees.

The protests in Cairo were sparked by the release of a film on 9/11 that basically called the Prophet Mohamed a child-molesting drunkard. It was released by the same "pastor" in Florida who last year was warned by the State Department what he was putting U.S. lives in danger for attempting to burn a Koran on the 10th anniversary of 9/11. 9/11 is an important date to Muslims and has been long before the tragedy in New York. The Christian equivalent would be calling Jesus a sheep fucker on Easter Sunday - it would spark outrage and rightly so. In Cairo, the staff there put out a statement decrying bigotry against Islam - and they were right to do so. When similar riots erupted in Libya terrorists used this as cover and launched an attack against our embassy, killing 4 Americans, including one man instrumental in helping the Libyan rebels when Kaddafi was in power who was also our Ambassador.

The fact that Mitt doubled down and repeated his lie even after Obama made it clear that he condemned the violence and felt for the families of those killed, walking away from his press conference with a self-satisfied smug smirk on his face just makes me want to punch the son of a bitch (attention Secret Service - this is rhetoric. I abhor violence in all forms unless done by a trained martial artist with a film career or former California or Minnesota Governors).

But this all brings up a real foreign policy question - why are Muslims overseas protesting against us as a country? It's obvious to those of us living in the states that the film that sparked the original protests was put out by a nutcase. We know here that this kind of stupidity shouldn't be taken seriously and it's not. So why was in taken so seriously in Cairo? How did it become a pretext for the violence? Why don't people in the Muslim world differentiate between U.S. Policy and some crackpot with a camera who just happens to be an American?

For this I blame the President before Obama. Little Bush. Shrub. President Drunken Chimp. The prior son'bitch.

You see, when he was in charge and directed foreign policy through the likes of Condi Rice and Don Rumsfeld, he actually was one of those lunatics who painted Muslims in a bad light. I don't think he meant it personally - given how many oil sheiks are friendly with his family (including the bin Ladens, by the way although not their terrorist son) but so many people he surrounded himself with think of the Islamic faith as one of terrorists and devils - some of them actually called themselves crusaders, a pretty loaded word in the Middle East - that the view from their part of the world is that America is the same thing as the lunatics who disparage them. Our government portrayed people of Islamic faith as responsible for 9/11 and every other ill we faced - instead of the small bunch of extremists who really were. He never said it himself, but not once did he disavow it when the people who spoke for him did, from Dick Cheney to everyone who worked at Fox News. This went on for nearly 8 years.

Yes, I blame Fox News as well because they are the mouthpiece of George W. Bush's Republican Party. It is long since time that we referred to this channel as a news network. They are a propaganda machine and nothing more. In other countries - especially those in the Middle East - a network that behaves like Fox News does gets shut down by the government. They don't understand why we haven't taken them off the air - it would be routing to do so where they live. As much as I am for free speech it is not a license to lie and mislead people into thinking that propaganda is news. Their press passes should be revoked. They aren't the press.

I don't think that Americans really understand the damage done to our country's reputation overseas during the Bush II Error. The respect one used to be given automatically by saying that you are an American when you traveled overseas no longer exists. We are now looked upon with suspicion because we are now seen in a single broad swath as the type of jingoistic jackass that GW and the gang presented us to be. A man I know travelled to Egypt last year and told people he was Canadian in fear of how people would react to discovering he was American. It never used to be like that.

So a crackpot releases a crappy movie that maybe 500 people will ever pay to see and it sparks the protests. Would that have happened before the world went sideways in fall 2001? No.

You know what the craziest WTF moment of all of this is? Romney's campaign itself has also condemned the movie in question. Oddly enough - that's the same thing he is deriding the administration for. I'm wondering if he's suffered a psychotic break at this point.

Because of the nature of today's rant I can't use my usual tag line because I'm not talking about economics or money matters without performing a topical pretzel. So forgive me for doing so at the end here. Are we better off than we were 4 years ago? Yes. I handle money for a living, and I know this.

Cheap shots (do you remember the drinking game?):

Look at the expression on the man's face after lying to the press about what happened in Libya this morning. Doesn't it make you want to knock his fucking block off?

Oh, by the way, Obama's response is priceless! I hear this sound bite coming back over the next two months again and again.

Sure, but is it a RIOT Riot?

Are you better off now than you were 16 years ago?

Jane Fonda and Alan Rickman in the most astonishing transformation EVAR!

Does Faux News have a Democrat with his own show in a prime news slot? No. Does MSNBC have a Republican in one? YES.

Jupiter takes the hit so that we don't have to send Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck into space.

Hey Bill ORLY! If Obama is really waging a war against Christianity can you please explain this $650,000,000?

Hey dickhead! Haven't you noticed that Doctors don't say shit like this?

Mad Men Malfunction? (take a shot if you believe it's true)

Once upon a time Dick Morris was a trusted member of the Clinton political machine. He even helped get them into the White House. Then Bill fired his ass and something snapped in his head. He hasn't been right about anything since. Come see if he thinks you are 70% of a person or 120% of one. Hint: it might be based upon gender.

And because I love you, Ra Ra Riot:

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Bottom Heavy - great bass lines

I haven't posted in a while and I'm not doing anything political today. Instead, I'm going to vent about something I know well - music.

I ran across a post through that purported to discuss the 10 greatest bass lines in rock music. I checked out the post expecting to hear some great stuff, and instead not a single song on their list would go in my top 25. Sure, a couple were iconic like Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots are made for walking" and Nirana's "Come As You Are", but we can do better than that.. (Okay, Lou Reed's "Walk on the Wild Side" would probably hit number 11 for me). The 3 best bass players in rock weren't even on the list. In fact, none of the bassists on my list were on that "best bass line" list.

I assure you, they are on mine. So here we go. These aren't in any order than in the order I thought of them. I'm sure I've missed some great ones - feel free to discuss.

Number 10 - The Eagles, "One Of These Nights":

Come on, when that bass line starts you immediately know the song. That's Randy Meisner playing it too - he was actually one hell of a bass player, not just the guy with the high voice from the Eagle's early days. He hits the note and then does that wicked slide. It's weird and it works. And then when the first verse starts the bass line sets a foundation unlike anything in rock music of the day.

Number 9 - Led Zepplin, "Ramble On":

The bass doesn't come in until 10 seconds in, but it's the moment that defines the song. Yes, Jimmy Page is playing a nice guitar rhythm from the start of the song, but when John Paul Jones brings his bass in he's actually playing a melody and it's that melody that Robert Plant is singing counterpoint to. Even when the song turns into a vehicle for Page, Jones is still messing with your head.

Number 8 -  Sugarhill Gang, "Rapper's Delight"

18 seconds in. That's where the magic starts. It's a sample from an old Pointer Sisters song, but instead of being just a bit piece here it's the whole song. I have seen dead dance clubs come alive when that bass line starts. I have seen rooms full of mullet-haired boys wearing Motley Cure T-shirts start attempting to bust a move on hearing that bass line. 'nuff said.

Number 7 - Yes, "Tempus Fugit"

There was a brief period of time at the end of the 1970s where the prog band Yes flirted with the idea of of turning into a power trio - just bass, drums and guitar. It didn't happen because Chris Squire met the Buggles, and they joined the band. However, you can find videos of Squire, Steve Howe and Alan White playing this song, with it's famous bass line. It's a bit more than 20 seconds in in this version. To this day, Chris Squire finds a way to get this riff into a Yes show, even when they aren't playing the song.

Number 6 - The Police, "Spirits in the Material World"

I was already a fan of The Police when they hit with "Ghost in the Machine", which in my opinion is their best album. This, the opening track, when I first heard it way back in the day caused me to say "where the hell did THAT come from"? Kinda reggae, kinda not, but that bass line seems to come from nowhere but it still fits. I mean, who comes up with something like that? Genius.

Number 5 - Queen, "Another One Bites the Dust"


I don't see how any list could miss this song. Bassist Roger Deacon comes to rehearsal with a riff that he shows off to the others in the band, and they all say to him that it's awesome. It becomes one of their biggest hits from one of their biggest albums, and it's all about that bass line.

Number 4 - Blondie, "Rapture"

This is the song that mainstreamed rap, and it has a pretty impressive bass line. Unlike much of rap, it isn't a sample. Can you picture this song without it though? It sets the tone and everything that comes in the next 5 minutes builds on it.

Number 3 - Rush, "Circumstances"

The problem with picking a Rush song is that there are so many - Geddy Lee is one of the best rock bassists to have ever lived, and he plays something unique on almost every song. You can make valid arguments for "YYZ", "Tom Sawyer", "Red Barchetta", and about a dozen more. I've decided to give you an early Rush song. Listen carefully to what Geddy Lee is doing. He does this on most of their songs - plays far beyond what the song calls for.

Number 2 - Green Day, "Longview"

Green Day's breakthrough hit is a punk rock song that minimizes the guitar in favor of swinging drums and a truly amazing bass line. Mike Dirnt has won multiple awards for his bass chops - the first punk rocker to ever be so honored, and it all feeds back to this song with it's very recognizable bass line.

Number 1 - The Beatles, "Come Together"

How can any list of bassists miss the most famous bass player EVER?!!? Although this is a song written by John Lennon, it's that bass line that everyone remembers as the hook of the song. Sir Paul has been doing this for half a century, putting interesting bass lines on songs that are already interesting.

Okay, let the flaming begin!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


Transcript as prepared:

I have a prepared statement. Stepping away from matters fiscal for a moment, it amazes me that we’re having discussions about contraception and women’s health as if it’s not a settled issue. We settled this shit back in the 1970s. The fact that it’s being brought out again in an effort to marginalize women tells me that the dicks who opposed it all back in the day are dying and that this is their death rattle.

At least the optimist in me likes to think so. The part of me that likes to screw with people wants to get T-shirts made that say “SLUTFUCKER”.

Anyway, one of the things about all of this that strikes me the most is the words of that frothy Presidential Candidate knows as Rick Santorum. He has gone on and one about how sex is only for pro-creation, even within the confines of marriage. You fuck, you have kids. That’s it.

I’m not going to feel sorry for his wife because it appears to me that she went into her relationship with her husband voluntarily, and I suspect there is a vibrator hidden in that part of the closet to which he never ventures. Probably a Steely Dan. Just speculation – I could easily be wrong. But the idea that sex is just for the makin’ of the babies is just plain wrong.

I’ve been married for almost 20 years to the same woman. I am an angry, flawed man with an ego the size of Rush Limbaugh’s Viagra prescription and somehow this wonderful woman puts up with me. We have raised two children, both teenagers – one of whom will soon be going off to college. We’re done with that phase and are not going to have any more children.

So let’s just talk about sex.

Now kids, cover your ears for a few seconds because this revelation may shock you (and will make my daughter yell “DAaaaaAD!!!” when she hears it) – but my wife and I have sex all the time, and we practice safe sex. She is no slut – and I’m sure I speak for every happily married man out there when I say that if you call our wives sluts you will receive a pineapple to the cloacae with much force.

Sex between consenting adults makes a relationship stronger, from my experience. There is no moment more silly, more unguarded, more together then those moments where every last bit of you is shared with another person. We have made each other laugh. We have made each other feel safe. We have stepped into each other's feelings. We have made each other horny as all hell. We have shared moments that can never be shared with another person. These things have made us closer, and we both look forward to them. These are moments of happiness and joy between us – and if you don’t feel the same then you’re doing it wrong.

Or to paraphrase a character called Raven from the comic strip Questionable Content, “I used to get hung up on it too until I realized that fucking is fun!” We call it making love for a reason.

Yes, sex has the purpose of making kids. But it means so much more to me, my wife, and millions upon millions of people who have been fucking in and out of wedlock, gay and straight, for as long as the urge has been there. To try and bring what it means to all of us into a mean and narrow definition is government interference at its most obscene. It’s Orwellian, not small government Republicanism, and you out to be ashamed of yourselves.

Of course, I doubt that you actually understand shame, given how effortlessly you attempt to bestow it upon others. Freud had a term for that – you should Google it.

Finally, I have a comment for the Arizona legislature, which is pushing though a bill that would make it legal to fire someone for suspected fucking – You dare to call the President a Muslim when you take social advice from the Taliban playbook? The Taliban is alive and well and it’s you, motherfucker.