Monday, February 28, 2011

You can program a VCR, can't you?

Something I've been wondering a lot lately is how is it that Faux News became more powerful than other news organizations when most of what they do is blatant advertising for the right-wing and the fringe groups of our nation? And then it hit me today - it's because it's aimed at people who can't program their VCRs.

For the past 15 years liberals, people with educations, and the young have been moving away from television as their primary source of information. For example, my own son watches his favorite TV shows on his computer, checks out videos and music on his computer, talks to his friends on his computer, and you get the idea. I do the same. As you can tell from all the links I give, I go all over the place to find out what's happening in the world. And that's what people of my generation and later are doing.

Sure, there are exceptions, but for the most part we liberals are a group of people who get their information from podcasts, weblogs, video uploads, and social networks - all before even considering to turn on a television set. Usually by the time you read this column when I post it late in the day Pacific Standard Time there will have been ample opportunities to have gone to many sources to get the information I'm after, and I almost never turn on the TV until after the column is posted.

Because by the time the news comes on I already know more about the stories than are going to be presented in a 30-60 minute sequence of sound bites.

But you see what this is? It's about actively seeking out the news and the information. It's not just the young, but people with the wherewithal to go out and get the information by and large are left-leaning. Again, there are exceptions, but we prefer not to simply have our news spoon-fed to us, which is what television encourages.

I don't watch a lot of American television, because it spoon-feeds you the information without the need for any interaction. I despise reality TV in almost every form, I hate most sitcoms because they rely in the humor of embarrassment, and I hate most dramas because they're designed to manipulate your emotions (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit is well-acted and all, but it makes me want to puke). Faux News is this philosophy taken to the nth degree, where you are not expected to think. You could be told anything and you're expected to believe it because it was seen on TV. That was barely true when Walter Cronkite was around and it certainly isn't true now, and yet a sizeable portion of our population still wants to believe it. TV is intellectually lazy, and when you're not actively engaged in a story you tend to veer politically to the right. The things that the right is saying about many events and political stances make no sense at all, and yet it gets treated as gospel by those not encouraged to think about it.

Television Viewers. And because the major pundits are all on television, they have a vested interest in getting you to keep watching. This past weekend every major talk show talked about the events in Wisconsin, and yet only one show even made the slightest pretense of showing the point of view of the union workers, and even then by only inviting one guest from the unions to balance out the other 5 from the right.

but if you're too lazy to figure out how to program your VCR, you're probably too lazy to realize that this is what happened - that the news was fed to you in very controlled doses, with no pretense of depth despite having "serious" names attached.

Cheap shots:

Looks like the Republicants are stupid and petty about everything.

Somebody please tase Paul Wolfowitz until his ears shrink.

Is he using a union welder?

Could saving California be this simple?

Governor Twitblocker.

And because I love you, the people who won the Oscar for best original score.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Dig the bass player's strut

Again, a very busy day for me, so no time to really think. I can tell you that yesterday Halliburton was at a conference in San Francisco, talking to companies about safety valves for drilling. Specifically about buy them from Halliburton. I stole a soda from their snack tray.

Anyway, I'm just going to do what Huffington does and give you…

Cheap shots (get your drink on - you can upgrade to double shots if you're Charlie Sheen):

Yes, the top political interviewer of our age is the comedian.

Karma is a bitch, motherfucker.

I wonder if his favorite song is Al Stewart's "Time Passages".

I have to ask, what the hell is Shepherd Smith doing on Faux?

Wow - it's as if they were looking to actually solve the problem.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - this fucker is probably the most dangerous of the people trying to become President on the Republicant side.

This brings a whole new picture to their marriage that I never wanted to know. (Go ahead, have that drink.)

I wonder if Ike would still be a Republican today? I'm guessing no.

Returning to Tripoli soon? Again, I'm guessing no.

All of these assholes who are "defending the Constitution" should take a moment or two and actually read the fucking thing.

Boycott Koch. For some people it won't be easy.

And because I love you, Vanilla Fudge

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

How long before the nationwide strike?

Sorry I've been gone a few days. I had a dental mishap and it's left me cranky. I am going to be away tomorrow and time is at a premium this week so to hold you over I'm just going to give you some…

Cheap shots:

Let's look at the real effects of letting teachers have collective bargaining, shall we?

What was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. defending when he was killed? The right to have collective bargaining.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Nothing that unemployment can't fix. (Countdown until a tweet or facebook posting of support from the Bitch ® in 5, 4, 3,

DOMA denounced. About fucking time.

Okay, I know you have a new owner and everything, but this headline is just douchebaggery.

But, sir, ex-squeeze me?

And now a message from Nigel Tufnel.

Koch hated Reagan before he loved him. Without changing himself.

Faux News: Fucking liars.

Who is John Galt Lou Sarah?

And because I love you, Love & Rockets

Friday, February 18, 2011

Not safe for work.

To the Republicant controlled House of Representatives, I'd like to quote Cee Lo Green to you. Fuck you.

Cheap shots (get yer drink on):

Was was for boobies before she was against them!

Apparently the Governor of Wisconsin wants to stage a live-action real-time remake of On the Waterfront. But I have to ask: why is it always bullies that say that they won't be bullied?

And holy cow it's even worse than we thought.

Barney Frank mocks a Republicant orgy.

And because I love you, Garfunkel and Oates (not safe for, well, anything really - all of my swearing has been put in this one video)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Amused to death...

The Obama Administration's "Job Killing" agenda has created 3.6 Million jobs. That's not a figure I've pulled out of my ass - that's the figure from the Congressional Budget Office. You know, the one that is put together, funded, and referred to by everyone in Washington as a non-partisan look at the effects of the work of government. The one that our Soldier of Orange and everyone else right down to the most asinine blogger has access to.

I don't think those words mean what you say they mean.

Imagine what Obama could have done had he stuck to his guns.

Cheap shots:

Dudes, I'm pissed too, but it's because the military is sponsoring a Chevy Impala.

And I always thought Babs was the one you wouldn't want to fuck with.

I am not related to this fucking idiot.

Basing your policies on failure.

And because I love you, Roger Waters


Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Because I wrote a column yesterday (when I usually take the day off) I've decided to take it easy today. Just send me the $315 Million.

Cheap shots:

A homeowner foreclosed on Wells Fargo! Yes, you read that right.

The Soldier of Orange wants 1 million people to lose their jobs.

And just as many if not more to starve to death.

But he's still an earmark loving fucker.

A Republicant takes the high road. How refreshing.

I think that Playboy is going to need an extra fold.

In little more than a year, my son will be going to college, and I'm open to where he wants to go (although him going to USC would cause me considerable heartburn). But he's not going here.

The saddest part about this is Kimberly Guilfoyle. She used to be honest.

What does Congresscritter Crazy Lady have against boobies?

And while we're at it, tase Tucker Carlson in the nuts.

What a liberal media might actually look like. It sure isn't what we have now.

Old and busted, Egypt. New hotness, Wisconsin.

I love Lisa Edelstein, and have long before she got the gig on House.

So the Republicants are considering this dude to run against a black man in 2012?

Hey Mr. President, send the money to California. We want it.

And because I love you, The Tubes with the complete Completion Backwards Principle (be warned - some of it is VERY not safe for work)

Alas, Part 4 with "Out of the Business" and "Talk to You Later" has been pulled from Youtube, so I give you these:

Back to the original video:

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Big does not equal small

I have finally figured out the driving force behind the Republicant philosophy. It's not right verses left or capitalism versus communism or any of the other crap they claim. It's because they think that big and small are the same thing. They have created a series of false equivalencies that seem to make sense on the surface but are actually very stupid. Allow me to give you some examples:

A household budget and an economy are not the same thing, but they keep claiming it is. How often have you heard a Republicant saying that if you ran your household like the government runs their own budget you'd be in the poorhouse or in jail. Well, these things are NOT equal. A budget and an economy are not the same. A household budget is about the amount of money you can spend given a known income. an economy is about the amount of money you can spend based upon what you can generate - a number that by definition is always in flux, and pieces of it run over different time periods.

A 2% tax increase on someone who makes $50K and a person who makes $500K are NOT equal. A tax increase like this on a person making $50K will impact their grocery bill, their ability to fill prescriptions, and their ability to take a vacation. A tax increase like this on a person making $500K will make no change to their grocery bill at all, and no impact on their ability to pay their medical expenses.

The weather in New York or someplace in the mid-west is NOT the same thing as weather for the planet. The planet is warmer. Specific spots might be colder. Some are also hotter.

Upping the age you can get Social Security makes no sense. People are not living longer. RICH people are living longer. People who actually need Social Security aren't.

And yet, somehow, these fuckwits have managed to convince a sizeable portion of the population that small and big are the same thing, with the same effects. It's not science they've got wrong and it's not math - it's just common sense.

It's just that they don't wish to associate with the commoners.

Cheap shots:

If you provide me with a Taser, I will personally tase South Dakota State Representative Phil Jensen. The man is planning to commit murder. I wonder if someone shoots him it will be considered Justifiable Homicide because doing so would prevent enabling murder.

Also needing to be tased: Missouri State Senator Jane Cunningham. She's a child molester.

You mean he lied?!!?!!?!? GASP!! I AM SHOCKED! SHOCKED, I TELL YOU! SHOCKED! (pass the flying bacon)

I sure hope he actually means it.

Be careful where you watch this. People will stare at you.

The Soldier of Orange is a hypocritical fuck. By the way, I have no problem even if there were 200,000 additional federal employees. At least they would have jobs.

I have to admit, that's an amazing makeup job on Anne Hathaway.

It's a slippery slope there Gretchen - are other parts of it out of date as well?

The answer is so obvious. If I'm ever rich, I do it myself.

Ever wonder about the POV of the armies of Mordor?

Maybe it's because the Soldier of Orange is weak.

And because I love you, Ned's Atomic Dustbin

Monday, February 14, 2011


So, Obama puts forth $1 Trillion in budget cuts, same as the Republicants. And suddenly the Republicants are saying that their $1 Trillion is worth more than Obama's. Why? Because it's white?

Personally, I don't think much of budget cuts at all. We should be spending more money on infrastructure and just about everything else. I don't see any other way that jobs come back. alas, Obama doesn't seem to have much of a spine when it comes to taking the fight to his opposition. Sure, he talks a good fight and got a lot of good done, but he could have done so much more and that disappoints me. I worry more often than not that we're the Roman Empire during the time of Claudius (we just barely survived Caligula) and unless something great happens, Nero comes next.

But I'm more pissed off about one thing above all else. When The Republicants say something, it's because they want to "restore our country". When Obama says virtually the same thing, it's not good enough or "shows a lack of leadership". I'm calling you fuckers out right now. You're just about the worst kind of racists that there is - ones who publicly aren't aware of it. I have never in my entire life seen so many people go out of their way to try to find ways to say "nigger" without actually saying it.

Fuck all y'all.

Cheap shots:

Good for you Shirley. Sue his ass into the ground. He's obviously scared of you.

If you can't afford any cocaine, try this instead.

Speaking of Nero, he's already running the show in Wisconsin.

Perhaps she's intentionally this stupid.

As I have said before, I'm no fan of Anderson Cooper. But this smacks of jealousy more than anything else.

Methinks he isn't getting out of the starting gate.

To all the Justin Beiber fans out there who think your mop-top wuz robbed, I should point out that until last night, Iron Maiden had never won either.

Trying to truly understand the gap between 400 people who have never heard of you and the rest of us.

It pains me he was right about anything, but Trump was right about it. But then again, Congressman Paul isn't wrong either.

Our Soldier of Orange believes that Americans have the right to be stupid and/or wrong. And that pretty much clarifies his whole philosophy.

Arab is sexy and cool!

Someone at Dailykos did some heavy lifting about CPAC. Enjoy.

I'm not saying that all of the minutemen border-patrolling bigots are murderers, but one of their leaders is. Convicted, bitch.

Next? (I kind of doubt it, but what the hell).

Jebmentum? Not so much.

And because I love you, Edmar Castaneda

Friday, February 11, 2011

The Magic 8-Ball let me down

Obviously, I don't know jack about Egypt. Yesterday I was predicting that things could get very bad and suddenly there is light. Mubarak ordered his tanks into the square where the protests have been going on, and the tank commanders and drivers refused. Mubarak then headed off to the Red Sea and shortly after that finally resigned, turning over control of the country to the Military. No word yet if Glenn Beck will be joining him.

In many countries, turning everything over to the Military would scare the crap out of me. Not so much this time. In effect this actually changes very little. The military already ran the country - Mubarak was a military commander himself, as was Sadat before him. This comes across to me more like when Russia began to shrug off communist control than a military coup.

You know what it also says? Just how irrelevant we were to the whole process. I honestly think that Obama made a couple of missteps on this one, specifically with the envoy he sent over there to try and work things out, but all in all it didn't matter one damned bit. I think this would have played out as it did no matter who was running things here. I can't think of any other administration playing this in any other way - confused. Face it, we were caught off guard by all of this, and the speed at which it unfolded reminds me greatly of when Eastern Europe began its transition.

Conservatives will say this is all a validation of the Bush Doctrine. Obama's supporters will say this validates his foreign policy approach. Both are laughably wrong. Bush's efforts had nothing to do with Egypt - everything he did was all about might and might was curiously absent from all of this. Obama's administration continually changed positions, following the tide of what they say in the street, but didn't actually offer any leadership - just reactions. No, this is all on the people of Egypt.

Of course, this could still all end badly. After all, over 300 people have died in the midst of all of this. But there are signs of guarded optimism here.

Cheap shots (get yer drink on):

Maine's election in 2012 has the potential to be truly entertaining.

I get the feeling that someone finally attempted an intervention, but it didn't work. Careful, we might soon see him screaming obscenities shirtless on COPS.

Talk about an unfriendly crowd.

Remember a couple of months ago I talked about infrastructure? Well? Remember?

Apparently these fucking idiots don't.

And because I love you, The Church

Thursday, February 10, 2011

That's the way he RickRolls.

Who knows what will happen next? I sure as hell don't. Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak defied the expectations of virtually everyone and refused to step down, after a day of rumors and leaks saying that not only would he step down, but that he'd be retiring to Dubai. I was doubtful on that last part, but everyone did expect him to at the very least set up a transition. He didn't. He says he's turned over powers to his VP, but he's got something of a credibility problem here.

If history is any indication, things are going to get very bad very quickly.

I'll be taking tomorrow off to be abused by my dentist. See you next week!

Cheap shots:

I have no clue if this would be a good idea or not, but I'd support her either way.

WAR! Woah woah woah woah. What is it good for? Absolutely Nothing!

Can you picture Arnold ever doing this?

Actually, based upon what my son tells me, who has ridden it, the Soviet-style train system is pretty good.

The more you read about the anti-abortion bill working its way through the House, the worse it gets.

It was probably a set-up, but if you get successfully smack-talked with real wit on the fly by the Alaskan Quitter® you should probably shut up.

Where is Max Headroom when you really need him?

Somebody please Tase the Donald.

And because I love you, Steve Smith & Vital Information

And what the hell, let's add Saxophone to that same mix:

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

San Francisco to LA in two hours!

The Obama Administration brought out Commutin' Joe Biden yesterday to announce the grandest plan ever for high speed rail in this country. It's a whopper of a plan, connecting rail lines all across the country, and it looks something like this:

It isn't cheap, but it's a lot less expensive than fighting a bunch of overseas wars and it would do some amazing things - create jobs, ease commutes from place to place, and bring the nation closer together in terms of what we do on a daily basis. I myself would love to see a high speed rail from San Francisco to Los Angeles - I'd probably get down to the city of my birth more often than I do now. Sure, I could fly down but who actually enjoys flying anymore? I sure as hell don't.

Seriously - I'd rather drive for 8 hours than get on an airplane. But a train that can do the trip in 2 hours? You bet I'd ride that.

And the jobs this would create. We're talking about probably a million or more jobs for at least 15 years. Come on people, this is a no-brainer! The rest of the world is kicking our asses on this one, but we can still come back and kick butt ourselves.

Cheap shots:

To my female friends - the Republicants lied to you about backing down on the definition of rape. This makes them fucking liars.

By the way, also hidden in that abortion bill is one of the biggest tax increases on business in history. Fucking liars.

How the hell is it possible that 52% of Americans haven't even heard about what's happening in Egypt?

God's teeth, so many jokes I could say here. My internal sysop might just go all bsod on me. Hmmm, let's pick one at random. How about, this congresscritter is so out of touch he doesn't realize that no one uses Craigslist for this type of thing anymore. (And I have to admit, it's hard to pass up "Christopher Lee, shirtless!") And then it becomes the fastest. Scandal. EVAR!!! And no, I'm not going to give him credit for owning up to it - because he tried not to at first.

It’s a good point my Soldier of Orange. It would have never happened when Nancy was in charge.

Okay, this 3-D bullshit has gone far enough.

Okay, we get it. He likes the ladies.

Joe, you're probably a nice guy and all, but you have the attention span of a humming bird.

And because I love you, Toto

Monday, February 7, 2011

No, I'm not going to link to "Bonzo Goes to Bitburg"

While we've been distracted by the shiny object that is the Super Bowl and the accompanying commercial onslaught, Paul Mason of the BBC has done some heavy lifting to try and understand the dynamics of what is happening in Egypt and other parts of the world, as what appears to be open peaceful revolt begins to take place.

The full post can be read here, but in essence what it all boils down to is the fact that we can all communicate with one another with such speed and ease these days that a movement can gain traction under the right circumstances, and the forces that fight against that traction are more easily swayed away than ever before.

That's a pretty cool thing. It can often take years for enough people to grow familiar with a situation that action will be taken. India's independence took decades. How true this definition will prove out in the long run I don't know - even Mr. Mason lays down some pretty heavy caveats as to how this could all be wrong. But it's nice to see that maybe in my own lifetime the jackasses I've railed against for most of my life might find their backs against the wall.

Cheap shots:

My two favorite Super Bowl Ads were car commercials - one funny:

And one serious:

And if that isn't a good enough fix, you can see them all here.

The UN is going to need another chair.

With the sale of The Huffington Post to AOL, is anyone else hearing the voice of Alec Baldwin? (And yes, I'm aware I'm linking to them a lot today)

And then it hits me - Joseph Gordon-Levitt (or whatever the dude's name is) is going to be Robin!

You know, I'm not so cheesed off at the idea of Secretary Kerry as I am at the fact that they filed the topic under Hillary Clinton.

This woman was my congresscritter for a while. Buh-bye!

Oooh, it looks like Olbermann had a plan all along!

What the fuck? Someone who supports Republicants is opposed to sanctions against Iran? And this is NOT a denial.

Wow, look who we just sent to Egypt. Still think that Obama is anything but a capitalist?

Vader Unmasked. And for the record, I saw the mini-Vader ad a week before the Super Bowl, so I didn't count it as part of the ad blitz.

And because I love you (and face it, am not celebrating the Reagan Error's architect's birthday) Mary's Danish

Friday, February 4, 2011

Glenn Beck is snorting cocaine right now (revised)

(This post is revised and reposted from last year)

This is an intervention. Glenn, I have every reason to believe that you are still a heavy cocaine user and you need help. Using the methods advanced by the "respected" Dr. Frist and after taking a close look at your many appearances on television, I can come to no other conclusion. You're a cocaine addict, and you're not recovering. It's not in your past, as you often claim. You're getting worse.

Dude, I've been a working musician most of my life - I've seen it more times than I care to think about. My first ever professional recording session back in the early 1980s featured a keyboard player who used so much coke that he was eventually reduced to a quivering mass of jelly. Trust me when I say that I know what it looks like and you show every symptom.

Let's start with the paranoia. Dude, that's one of the classic symptoms - paranoia. For the record, Obama isn't a Marxist, or a Socialist, or a dirty Commie Hippie, or a Secret Muslim - I personally know several of each of these and they all hate him. There isn't a Socialist (or whatever) on the planet who would hire Timothy Geithner. He's not trying to kill the government. He's not trying to raise the taxes of most people, although admittedly he is trying to raise yours - you are rich, after all. He's not trying to put microchips in people's bodies - no one is. You are confusing people with pets. Your paranoia is drug-fueled.

Let's talk about the impaired reasoning ability. Your chalk board demonstrations are the stuff of legend, but you misspell words. Your math doesn't always add up. You attempt to make analogies that any kid studying for the SATs would pass by as inadequate. These are mistakes a grown man shouldn't make. Face it, the drugs are impairing you.

Let's talk about the fact that you see lifelong enemies conspiring together. Racial socialists and radical Islamists working together? Even Michael Bay or McG would look at that combination in a script and say "that ain't fuckin' happening". The events unfolding in Egypt bringing about the collapse of western civilization? Dude, that's the cocaine talking.

Let's talk about your use of language. Fueled by your drug-enforced paranoia, you use a lot of run-on sentences and hop from topic to topic and idea to idea without the use of simple things like verbs. Unless you're a Kennedy (for whom it was an affectation) that's something you just can't get away with. Don't even get me started on that moment where you left language completely and barked like a dog a nearly a minute. Dude, I know you're trying to contribute to the dialogue but barking like a dog doesn't do it on any level - and no one would think so without the drugs.

And dude, using the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech last year to further these talks? What inspired that one? Were you back in your office with a couple of buddies laughing and saying things like, "Dude, dude - I know, I know, I know what would be sooo hilarious. Dude, it's brilliant, hear me out…" Dude, that's the cocaine talking.

Dude, the crying on television? The fact that this doesn't embarrass you in any way means that you think it's a good thing to do. You're not on a soap opera, are you? Again, that's the cocaine talking.

You've laughed off killing people by lighting them on fire, by poisoning them, and by calling for others to take some form of ambiguous action. Sure, some of this is the quest for ratings but the inspiration comes from the coke. You're not a staff writer for some cop/legal/forensic drama - that's the coke talking.

Even your haircut screams "Cocaine addict!" It didn't look good on the oldest brother in the "Home Alone" movies and if you think it looks good on you… well, that's the cocaine talking.

I'm truly sorry Glenn, but this is for your own good. You need help my man, you need help. We're happy to help you get it. You've got decent health insurance, so this is probably covered. Let's try to get you clean and sober. We want you to get better - we honestly do. I know it's tough, but we need to lock you away until you can admit to yourself and to all of us the one thing that we already know. Dig deep into your faith, my man, and say out loud the one thing that must be your first step.

Repeat after me, "I am addicted to cocaine."

Cheap shots (get yer drink on):

I refuse to put that ® symbol after their names. That's right - I'm a rebel. If this gets me in trouble I'll just refer to them as Bitch® and Bitch Lite®.

From the "It couldn't fucking happen in America" file, comes the real meaning of WWJD. I have real hope for Egypt and yes, it's an alien feeling.

Everyone, let's not lose sight of the fact that even though rape rape isn't redefined, the bill is still a fucking insult to women everywhere. And it gets worse.

Stephen King has some thoughts about the upcoming movie remake of The Stand, and they don't involve Molly Ringwald.

16th? Even I didn't know that.

Rand Paul makes a play to join the cast of Jersey Shore with a quick Fuck You My Friend.

It's not up there with the Mayor taking a shower with two Los Angeles DJ's (which happened here in San Francisco 14 years ago) but it is theater.

Given the truth of this, shouldn't we have more people of color (and I don't mean false ones like Orange) in congress?

Apparently there's a Bible Rumble about to happen.

The Soldier of Orange has been fucking women who aren't his wife! Yeah, it's from the National Enquirer but keep in mind that they broke the John Edwards Fucking story, so they've earned some credibility on this type of thing.

You know, if the individual mandate is the real problem, then why don't we start working towards dumping it?

I'm not a real fan of SMBC, but I have to admit that its writer is teh awesome.

There is a true potential coolness to this, and I'm upset that Georgia came up with it first.

Holy Shit! Dick Armey is no longer white! (first item)

I will honestly admit that the ramifications had never occurred to me.

As we're in the year of the 100th anniversary of the birth of the man who led me to coin the phrase "The Reagan Error" allow me to remind you about one thing he cared about more than AIDS: UFO's.

Finally, I have a Super Bowl prediction. It's going to be very cold.

And because I love you, The Alan Parsons Project