Tuesday, May 31, 2011


You know, between the hoax of Weiner's dick pick, the fake "clean" vote on the debt ceiling today and the Palinese Liberation Front's tour of the east I simply can't get my outrage organized well enough. That and a death in the pantheon of musicians has hit home a bit. Therefore I give you a tribute to that musician, which can be found right after the…

Cheap shots:

I will never understand how a woman can vote Republicant.

I wonder if he expects her to jump out of a closet and yell "boo"!

Um, wow. There are so many satirical comments flashing through my brain that it jammed.

Somebody tase Andrew Breitbart. Repeatedly. In the nuts.

And because I love you, Gil Scott-Heron. Twice. He will be missed.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Okay you fuckers, die.

Today the House of Representatives passed a bill that would prohibit the teaching of a constitutionally legal medical procedure. If you or your school receives federal funding - and face it, that's everyone these days - then you cannot teach or be taught how to provide an abortion.

Doctors all over the world and here in America are taught procedures that they may never use. Why? Because they become necessary even when they're not part of your practice. Imagine some poor woman having just been in an auto accident who is 4 months pregnant. The baby dies. In such a circumstance the woman in question would need an abortion to save her life, and these fuckfaces have just decided that they can't learn how to do it.

Doctors have to have a complete understanding of everything that is possible in the human body. That includes things they or you might not find palatable. My own doctor doesn't perform prostate exams, but she knows how to do one. When I had one last year I could have a conversation with her about it because she understood the procedure and how it all worked, and how it tied to other parts of the body. The knowledge is important, because otherwise you have a doctor who is ignorant of what is possible in the human body. Doctors who don't keep these skills up are lawsuit magnets.

So the House of Representatives have passed a bill that says that Doctors cannot know how a certain procedure works, and what it's possible effects are. This puts them at a disadvantage of treating anyone who has had an abortion, because they would not understand the potential effects and affects on the person who has been through this. This is fucking insane.


I posted on facebook yesterday that I would pay good money to anyone who would say "Eric Cantor, fuck you" on the floor of the House of Representatives for his position that tornado victims should not receive assistance unless another government program is cancelled. That was appalling. This is even worse.

My top of page claim has always been the question "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I try to see good in people, but there is no good in this. It is just plain evil. These are bad people. Mean people. People with no empathy in their bodies. They're fucking liars.

People like this shouldn't exist - you would expect to find them in some cheap pot-boiler thriller - maybe a Tom Clancy novel - but in real life these people don't deserve the dignity they have been afforded, nor the kindness of strangers as they are unwilling to extend the same courtesy to others.

This is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard, and given some of the stupid things I've written about that's really saying something. This congress, led by the Republicants, have done nothing constructive in the 5 months they've held office. Not one fucking thing, but many a stupid thing. It's a pity that we can't just chuck the whole lot of them out and start again.

Cheap shots:

The Undefeated? Really? Um, really? Bitch™, you lost!!!

I wonder if this is an intentional step towards moving to join Keith Olbermann.

And because I love you, The Blue Aeroplanes (not a video - just close your eyes and listen)

Friday, May 20, 2011

Lack of silence

I'm having one of those weeks where I really don’t know what to rant about. Sure, I could go on about how The Bitch™ called David Gregory a racist in his questioning of Newt, but that's like saying a bleached out Burt doll was racist against the Pillsbury Doughboy. It just doesn’t make sense and most of us can already see it. I could go on about the impending Rapture coming tomorrow, but I have plans. I could talk about the uproar about Obama's Israel/Palestine speech, but the reality is that if you take the editing out the policy isn't anything different than what the last few Presidents has said.

All in all, it's hard to beat John Lithgow's amazing performance of this (the magic starts about 3:15 in, but watch the whole thing to get context):

And I was hoping for  a "Bigbooty/bigbooteh" joke, but alas.

I like to go exploring the interwebtubethingy on Fridays because a lot of truly astonishing crap gets dumped in the hopes that no news organizations pick these things up. Therefore it is time to bring back…

Cheap shots (get your drink on - I counted 7 of them):

Depends on what your definition of "is" is. Take a drink if you get the alliteration.

I have to wonder, now that we're heading for default who places the call to the deadbeat and what phone number do they use?

Those were for on-line colleges? I thought it was for phone sex!

You know, it's obvious but you have to ask, what the fuck have some people been smoking?

You know, it never would have occurred to me that this was illegal.

Um, that thing in your belly - could it be another kid instead? (Yeah, that was low - I'm an asshole. Take a drink.)

If you live in North Carolina it might just suck to be you, for a whole new reason.

Really? Not "Waterloo"?

Most people like me are going to see a lawsuit coming. I'm wondering if Jim Beam got a similar break.

Does your decision come with a free 2-liter soda?

I bet the truth is that he really asked about the lack of flash on the iPad.

Muslims selling urine-laced popsicles to our children is an epidemic? I think that the whole idea of having a mental filter in one's mind is no longer taught to people. Seriously bitch, think crazy as much as you want but be polite. And stay away from the Tim Burton-themed acid.

Finally, no link, but it's been five month Republicants. WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING JOBS BILL?

And because I love you, Rik Emmett with Dave Dunlop

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Confirmation consternation

As you know, when someone is better than me I will give you their writings as opposed to my own. Such is one case today, about the potential confirmation of Goodwin Liu to the 9th Circuit Court, written by Adam B. of Daily Kos.

Cheap shots:

In all fairness Newt, no one plays Trivial Pursuit anymore.

Stupid in Texas. I think it's their state motto.

I imagine that it doesn't help when a Presidential candidate is called this by the man who last held the nomination for his party.

My son is considering college in Wisconsin, because there is a school with one hell of a jazz program there. But this complicates things.

One of the saddest parts about all of this is how everyone is harping over the fact that that the woman in question isn't some babe in her late 20's.

There's a shorter version of Newt's amazing walkback: "I lied."

Aw, give her a break. It was early in the morning and she's a tiny old lady with a lot to do in the day. Hell, most of my friends can't drink the stuff because it's too rich for them. If it had been me though, I'd have needed a second pint.

It's snark, but maybe he really is the only hope the Republicants have.

This is actually a big deal, given how bloody rich the man is.

The next time you feel sorry for yourself, keep in mind that this kid was blown up and has a more positive attitude than you.

And because I love you, Chicago

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What the hell is wrong with Ahnald?

When the news broke last week that California's royal couple, Arnold and Maria, broke up it sent shock waves through the state. They seemed inseparable, even though they were political opposites in many respects. Arnold liked to joke that he was the Republican Kennedy and Maria stood with him through thick and thin while at the same time supporting causes that her husband was against. They were living proof that differences could be set aside for great purpose.

Well we all know what the problem is now; Arnold fathered a child with another woman 10 years ago. He was a douchebag and hid it, but he came clean with it after the end of his time as the Governator and Maria did the logical thing and moved on. The California Republican party is going to need a new person to run for Senate next time.

But it's how Arnold is handling himself now that has caught my attention. He knows he screwed up. He knows this is his fault. And he's done something that almost no other politician caught in this position has done; he's manned up. Check out these words (emphasis added by me):

"After leaving the governor's office, I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago. I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry. I ask that the media respect my wife and children through this extremely difficult time. While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not."

Bravo you fucking idiot, bravo. When was the last time you heard a politician say something like that? Hell, Newt Gingrich actually has the audacity to blame his patriotism for having an affair with a staffer (um, yeah, let's run that one up the flagpole). But not the Governator. He flat out said I fucked up and I deserve what I'm getting, but stay the hell away from the people who have no blame to share. He's not asking anyone to help cover for him. He's accepted that he's going to have a target on his back for a while.

Sure, he hid it for a decade from everyone. That takes a real asshole. But when the moment came that he wasn't going to be able to hide it anymore he fessed up like the villain in the last act of an episode of The Closer. I'm not saying it's a good thing. I'm not saying that it is excusable. But it's a step better than just about everyone else in the public eye caught in the same pattern.

I'm not going to argue with you the whole point about whether or not this should have disqualified him as Governor. I think valid arguments can be made both ways. The real fact is that he did something sleazy and then hid it for 10 years - everything else is window dressing. I don't think many of us really considered Arnold a "Family Values" Republicant, despite the talk, simply because of his misogynistic and very public life on film and elsewhere. I think we all figured that since Maria stood by him, that was good enough for the rest of us.

Until now.

Maybe Arnold was trying to be more like a Kennedy than we thought. (okay, that was low.)

My whole point is that Arnold has effectively given up on national politics with this move. He has been a loyal Republicant for as long as I can remember, but the party has moved far to the right of some of his stands - which actually worked well for him in California. But he's not acting like this is at least partially someone else's fault - which no politician seems to do any more. I guess this really does mean that we're going to have another Terminator movie.

But I'll bet that animated "Governator" cartoon series is toast.

Cheap shots:

And why isn't this bigger news? They haven't come for you - yet.

This is a good ruling, but I'd like you to remember that it would be different if one person voted differently.

It looks like the Newt candidacy will do to the Republicant party the same thing he did to them in the 90s.

For once, I think John McCain has good reason to lose his temper at someone.

I am perfectly willing to believe that the porn wasn't Bin Laden's. None of the porn in my house is mine, after all.

The crew of the current Space Shuttle mission (the one with Congresswoman Gifford's husband on board) has their own Star Trek poster.

It appears that the end of the world is based upon a story problem.

By the way, time.

So America didn't follow him so he thinks that Israel will?

Only Jon Stewart can mock someone to their face and use the word "pettifog" in the same sentence.

Maybe they elected this moron so that they could laugh at him.

And to think, once upon a time I kinda liked this asshole.

And because I love you, electronic

And because I've been away for a bit I'll give you a second one, King Crimson

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The big lie

You all probably know by now, my faithful reader(s), that I tend to rant against the lies told mainly by the right and accepted by the left. I'm going to expose a big one right now; the idea that government has a spending problem. It's a lie, and until we get ourselves out of that narrative we're fucked. Let me explain it to you the way we should all be explaining it in town meetings and tea party gatherings.

Let's say a man earns $70k per year. It's not a ton of money but it's enough to feed his family and keep a roof over their heads, and to have a bit of fun with that same family. It's not perfect but a man can build a life out of it. Alas, the man loses his job - for any of a number of reasons. The why isn't important - just the fact that the $70K income is now gone.

The man searches for a job, but cannot find one immediately at the same level of pay he had been receiving. Instead, he takes a job earning $45K per year - for no other reason than that it's better than nothing. He can still keep his family fed. He has to cut corners and the bills are going to start to pile up, but he can provide the basics for his family.

Question: Does this man have a spending problem? The answer is no, he does not. His problem is that he isn't earning as much money as he had been.

Now if we take this example to the macro-economic scale that the Republicant party suggests, the recommendation is that he cut down on his spending and tighten his belt. After all, that's what they want the government to do - spend less money and not increase the amount of money they have. It's like saying to that man with the lower paying job to just go ahead and accept where you are.

Screw that. I'm telling that man to keep looking for another $70K job. It's the only way he's going to get the life he used to have back for his family.

What it all boils down to is class warfare. The Republicants are setting up a mindset where everyone needs to accept where they are in life right now. If you're poor then it sucks to be you. If you're rich why not stay that way? It's the same for the entire country. The government is that man who is working for $45K after losing a sizeable chunk of income to the Bush tax cuts. The country lost its revenue, and now has to tighten the belt in order to keep functioning. The Republicants say that this is good enough.

And that's the big lie. It isn't good enough. There is that higher paying job out there, and unlike a normal job seeker the government can increase revenue easily. Yes, it involves raising taxes. But that guy earning $45K or even $70K isn't going to feel the sting of it. It needs to be hitting the people who won't feel the sting of it very much. The rich and the very rich. The companies who have an effective tax rate far below what it is supposed to be. The people who have a limit on their Social Security tax because they earn more than the upper limit set. Face it, a few thousand dollars for these people doesn't mean the same thing as it does to that man earning $45K.

Because we need more revenue, just like that man.

No cheap shots today, and I'll probably be away the rest of this week.

But because I love you, Chance & The Lucky Aces (with apologies to my French friends)

Monday, May 2, 2011

So, what shall we talk about?

Sometimes the topic of conversation is going to be obvious. It's like that moment in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the nazi torturer walks in on a prisoner and says, "So, Miss Ravenwood, what shall we talk about, hmm?" After Obama announced last night that he had actually been doing his job while everybody tried to turn the presidential race into next season's version of The Apprentice, there was cheering to be expected and face it, this is what people want to talk about. But there are some dickheads who don't want to give the President the credit he deserves.

Joe Scarborough on MSNBC told his viewers that the President made the decision to kill Osama bin Laden even though it would alienate his base. Mike Huckabee, The Bitch™ and Rick Santorum couldn't bring themselves to acknowledge that the operation was ordered by the President. Faux News put up the banned "Obama bin Laden is dead". Michelle Bachman called this the start of the end of "Sharia-compliant terrorism". Donald Rumsfeld called the President wise for only doing what his predecessor did (um, who got this done again?).

Hell, The Drudge Report complained that the President broke into The Apprentice to make the announcement just to show up Donald Trump. Trump himself at least gave credit where it was due. Even the man that President Obama replaced gave full credit. So did Darth Vader - although he later claimed that torturing people led us to him. Rush Limbaugh, on the other hand, claimed that bin Laden would still be alive if the President weren't in trouble for re-election. Hey Rush, you fat turd, is anyone running against him yet? I hear crickets.

Still waiting for John McCain to weigh in. I expect I won't have to wait long - he's on every damned news show on the planet.

And there's the other side, with commentary that is just as creepy. One that I've seen is a LOLcat picture of President Obama getting off of Air Force 1 that is captioned, "Sorry about the late birth certificate. I was busy killing bin Laden." I think it's kind of weird to celebrate the death of any man, even a mass murder, but I will acknowledge that there was no other way to do it. Luke Russert tweeted that he thought Penn State was a great school because they threw the best bin Laden is dead party.

And then there's Steve Martin; " Tonight, President Obama will announce that Clint Eastwood shot Osama Bin Laden."

The President gave one hell of a speech about it all last night, clearly labeling bin Laden as a man who was not a leader of Muslins, but a killer and a thug (Given that he used one of his wives as a human shield during the attack just goes to show how far he had strayed from the religion. You might not like how the Islamic world treats women, but one of the first rules is that the husband must protect the wife at all costs.) Obama addressed every angle, and he did it well. You can see the speech here.

And of course the nuts are going to come out. There are people already claiming the photos were faked. And because he was buried at sea and there is no body anymore some people are going to be spotting him with Elvis and Bruce Lee. Personally, I think Bruce will kick his ass and Elvis' hips will give the man an epileptic fit, but hey.

My own comment? Only one. Mission actually accomplished. Now can our soldiers come home?

Also, given the amazingly funny speech the President gave at the White House Correspondents Dinner less than 24 hours earlier, it's nice to have a President who can multi-task. It's also nice to know that the man can mock a fake rival mercilessly while doing it again on an unseen level - ribbing Trump for firing Gary Busey (and calling it the kind of decision that would keep him up nights) while knowing behind his smile that he had given the order to take bin Laden only hours earlier. This President is a smart man.

Cheap shots:

Oh, and if John McCain were President, Osama bin Laden would still be alive.

Guess who else was announced as dead on May 1st? Maybe they'll make a commemorative coin.

This man, as much as anyone, has a right to feel relief.

You can now find bin Laden's hideout on Google Maps.

And because I love you, Fitz and the Tantrums