Thursday, February 6, 2020

Ratfucking Iowa and beyond

So while Qusay and Uday have been spreading conspiracy theories about what went wrong with the counting of the Iowa Caucuses we have come to learn that there really was something going on, but it wasn’t the Democratic Party or anyone else on the left doing it. It was 4chan.

Seriously.

It would appear that the phone number used to report caucus results was easy to find with a Google search, and someone posted it on 4chan. This was followed with a post of "Uh oh how unfortunate it would be for a bunch of mischief makers to start clogging the lines," by an anonymous user. And that’s exactly  what happened. “Clog the lines [and] make the call lads.”

This is what the Republican Party has devolved to: Everything they claim their opponents are doing is actually being done by themselves. They are going to try to steal this election. By any means necessary.

Iowa wasn’t a test, it was a proof of concept. It is possible to hack an election without the use of any computers at all. Imagine this on a national scale. Imagine not just this, but computers changing results, lost ballots, thousands of people dropped from rolls, provisional ballots not counted, laws changed to restrict voting, notices posting incorrect dates about voting. Warnings of people being arrested at polling stations  for unpaid parking tickets…

Oh wait – all of this is already happening. And much more. After seeing Trump speak today, I have no doubt that stealing an election by any means necessary isn’t beyond him and his party. I’m still not 100% convinced they didn’t steal the last one.

Trump is a bully. When have you ever known a bully to give up power voluntarily? Free country my ass.

Cheap Shots (it’s Rum Thursday! Today I introduce you to one with a kooky name and great flavor):


Oh Uday, are you going to grab him by it?

Jim Jordan’s ears, Steve Scalise’s wife, Bobby Richardson, James Comey, hugging his daughter longer than his wife, and other weirdness from today’s appearance of the orange-toupee-ed groundhog.


As I have said to every single person who calls him the chosen one – No, he’s the Golden Calf.

Oh, and here is what the “chosen one: did at the National Prayer Breakfast today.

Rosa Parks has one of these too. It got cheapened. And notice the not too subtle digs CNN gets in during that last paragraph.


Five years? Talk about your Holiday in Cambodia.

Here is how to make a Yaka Hula Kickey Dula, which tastes like none of its ingredients:

Ingredients

Steps to Make It

  1. Gather the ingredients.
  2. In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, pour the rum, vermouth, and pineapple juice.
  3. Shake well.
  4. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
  5. Serve and enjoy!
Here come the Biden hearings. That should be surreal, because Hunter Bided didn’t yet work for the company that corrupt prosecutor was investigation. “Mr. Biden, tell me abut this.” “I can’t – I didn’t work there yet.”


And now Sidney Poitier takes the mantle as the highest-ranked person still living. on the AFI’s Greatest Male Screen Legends of Classic Hollywood Cinema. This man held the mantle until yesterday. In fact, on the Men’s side only Poitier is left. On the women’s is only Sophia Loren.


Oh hey, another airstrike and another leader dead.

Buttigieg tells us that there’s a Dark Money Bernie.

So in all fairness, meet Dark Money Pete.

But they all do it, ya know.

Having watched Brian Williams I would imagine that this was delivered with no small amount of dry sarcasm, but still, “Are you teaching democrats how to speak American?” Really?


And because I love you, the new song by the 1975 – which I think will be a big hit.

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