A pale shadow

Chris Wallace is such a cheap imitation of his father (the great Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes fame). Proof lies in the work of Jon Stewart, who went on Wallace's show yesterday.

Here's a question I'd love to ask this moron. He has called Andrew Breitbart a "journalist". I wonder if he thinks he compares to his dad.

By the way, my next update will be part of my continuing series about how Democrats can easily win every debate on every issue. See you Wednesday!

Cheap shots:

Thomas=Fortas.

A threat from China?

So where are you going to be at 8pm tonight?

It's egotistical only if it works. Otherwise, it's just sad.

They appear to have hired Emily Loutella as their spokesperson.

I can't even imagine what it would feel like to have Major League Baseball throw a monkey wrench into your divorce settlement, and have good cause to do so. Me thinks the dodgers are fucked.

How about some budget cuts here?

Michelle Bachman doesn't understand stimulation.

Awkward!

And because I love you, Peter Gabriel. Embedding has been disabled, so you have to follow the link. Trust me, it's worth it - you might not know this song.



Freedom

When I was a kid the family of a friend of mine converted to Jehovah Witness. I was a little kid and really had no clue what that meant - religion was one of those things I didn't get yet - what I noticed was that my friend was no longer required to say the pledge of allegiance at school.

Now I had never been a fan of the pledge, even as a kid. But I did what all the other kids who thought the whole ritual was stupid did, say it quietly and change the words. "I pledge allegiance to Queen Fragg" or "The United Airlines of America" - you know the stuff. Juvenile but it will make a pre-teen boy laugh. But having a kid (two actually -he had a twin sister) who didn't say the pledge caused an uproar. He was berated by teachers until the school principal made the judgment call that he was excused for religious beliefs.

Again, I didn't really understand it at the time, but being the obnoxious rebel that I was (and mostly still am) I decided on my own that I no longer had to do it either. So one day when it was time to stand up my friend stayed seated, and so did I. I caught some hell for it for about a week but I stood my ground, arguing (successfully) that you couldn't make an exception for just one kid. It also helped to be the top student in the class, I must admit - it might have gone much differently if I had been middle of the pack or mediocre.

I was reminded of this today thanks to the Supreme Court of Mississippi, which in a unanimous decision ruled against a judge in that state who had made it mandatory to say the pledge in his court at the start of the day. He had fined a lawyer who didn't stand and recite $100 and thrown him in jail. The Mississippi Supremes basically called the judge an idiot and smacked his hand with a ruler.

The freedom to say (or not say) the pledge is so basic that it boggles my adult mind that there are still people in this country who attempt to force it on people. Allow me to let someone more eloquent than I am explain it all here.

And that friend? He stopped being my friend before we were out of elementary school. He also converted to bully-ism. But that doesn't mean that he wasn't right all along about this. In the end, his right to not say the pledge was a badge of honor for him. Me too.

Cheap shots (get your drink on):

Was it a mispronouncification? Hot, throbbing Koch?

Now just who was the dick here?

Samuel L. Jackson is my fucking hero.

Um, since when is a man's accent the same as the color of his skin?

This just keeps on getting worse and worse.

The Economy for Dummies, explained by someone very smart.

Now that is a headline.

Way to go Ohio.

And because I love you, The Graces

Pity that isn't true: Debate Issue Number 1 - Abortion

Note: This is the first on what will be a regular series of posts that feature myself against a generic Republicant both running for an unnamed federal office. The purpose of this is two-fold; one is to show you that I have no business running for political office (which has been suggested to me more than thrice) as I am unable to curtail my language to television-friendly sound bites and two, to show the Democrats of this nation just how easy it can be to refute the idiocy of the positions these morons take. Please note that this is a Generic Republican candidate I am debating, not any specific person, although the views are consistent with views espoused by candidates we've all seen and heard on television and radio this year.

Republican Candidate: On the question of abortion it is my belief that conception is the moment that life begins, and as such abortion is tantamount to killing a human being. Life is sacred and the idea that taking the life of an innocent is wrong is one that is understood by Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists and people of all faiths and beliefs. Because of the basic tenant that life is sacred, the taking of life must be considered wrong and unjust. I am against abortion in nearly every case - exceptions will occasionally need to be made based upon the medical health of the mother and certain types of inescapable trauma - and I am against using federal moneys to support any organization that provides for abortion in any form.

Me: So your position is a moral one; that you are against abortion because you believe that life is sacred.

Republican: That is correct.

Me: Pity that isn't true.

I'd say that about 95% of all elective abortions are done for the same reason; that the mother isn't ready. She isn't ready to go through the whole process of having a child. She isn't ready to raise that child. She may not have the financial resources to provide for that child. So your position is to force a child upon a person who isn't ready for it. The problem there is that you do nothing for the child once it's been born. Hell, given how many cuts to prenatal care and health care your party is responsible for you may push that woman into deep debt because she couldn't afford the medical expenses alone, let alone those of raising a child.

Your party has been responsible for cuts to just about every program that would give support to a woman that you've forced into this position. You've cut education. You've cut programs to provide support and care for newborns. You've made cuts to food programs that would help feed these children. On the plus side, you've managed to get the child born. On the minus side, you then expose it to the elements on the hills outside of Sparta.

You cannot claim that life is sacred, that innocent life is sacred, if you are unwilling to help provide for that life once it has been brought into the world. If that life is so sacred then you have to provide for it like a father, and you have no intention of doing so. Your intention is to turn our nation into a deadbeat dad.

Republican: These children can be adopted if the mother is unable to provide for them. There is a waiting list for children to be adopted and we could solve two problems at once.

Me: Setting aside for a moment the virtual prison sentence of forcing a woman to give birth to a child that she will not raise, I also have to point out that this is also untrue. There is a waiting list for babies, not children. Ask any foster kid who doesn't get adopted - which is a shamefully large number. Your premise has established that people who adopt should be able to put their own stamp on raising the child and not be burdened with a history that a child who isn't a newborn doesn't have. It's as if you're saying that these other children, whose numbers are greater than all of the people attempting to adopt children in this country combined, are somehow damaged. That's just mean.

And I put it to you that it's meanness that you are proposing we support. You are asking that we force women into a position they do not want. There's a word for that; rape.

There is nothing wrong with being opposed to abortion on moral grounds. In fact, I find that commendable and worthy of praise. But to be that without creating a support system that continues to support that life isn't being consistent with this morality and that I find to be reprehensible and morally inconsistent - something that a person who holds the job we are both asking people to give us should not be.

Republican: Are you saying then that it is better for that child to not be born?

Me: I am saying that the person who would be responsible for the choices that follow be the person who makes that choice, and that includes the right to have an abortion as one of the options. That's not the government who makes that choice. That's not the moral code of any person or doctor that makes that choice. It is the woman who makes that choice and I believe that we as lawmakers do not have the right to put restrictions on a choice so personal that those of us outside each individual situation cannot comprehend the process that ultimately leads to that decision.

As for your position, make it consistent and then we can have a real dialogue. Otherwise you're just a flyer on a bulletin board and nothing more.

blech

I'm not doing much today. My grand post will be on Wednesday - after the first major Republican debate - so that I can include anything stupid that they say.

Cheap shots:

I think that someone is ashamed that the man is Jewish. Sometimes a cigar is just a phallic symbol.

Dude, it is racist, but on the reverse side a black friend of mine asked me "why can't White people properly use slang?"

It's not that we're scared - we're not - it's that we have trouble believing that you could possibly be that stupid.

Methinks that someone needs a quick lesson in forensic decomposition. That and what fish will eat.

Get the fuck out of Iraq.

A bench warrant is about to be issued for the arrest of Roger Ebert in Tennessee.

This is pretty cool. Shame it could never work here.

Retcon ad infinitum.

And because I love you and figure that you need words of encouragement, I give you Conan O'Brien.

Coming attractions…

Over the course of the next few weeks I'm going to write a series of essays featuring myself versus a fictional Republicant candidate for some unnamed Federal office. Each essay will be on a single issue and feature talking points and actual quotes from real Republicants, followed by my own rebuttal. The purpose of this will be two-fold; one is to show you that I have no business running for political office and I am unable to curtail my language to television-friendly sound bites and two, to show the Democrats of this nation just how easy it can be to refute the idiocy of the positions these morons take.

Every day I think to myself just how easy it would be for the Democratic party to win about 75% of all elections, but just stating the obvious and the real, and answering with just a touch of cynicism and toning down the supposed respect you should have for your opponent. It's so freakin' easy to do but no one ever does it, so I'm going to hold a series of quick seminars showing how it's done. Stay tuned, you just might learn something.

Cheap shots (get yer drink on):

Not going to do it today. Assume I swore like a sailor on leave in Thailand for a week (don’t ask me how I know how much that is and I won't have to lie to you) and party irresponsibly. Or Responsibly. Whichever it is, don't blame me for your alcohol poisoning.

And because I love you, David Bowie with a song you might not have heard before…

Cheesehead rant

So it appears that there will be two recall elections in Wisconsin in July. One on the recall of 6 Republicants, and another on the recall of 3 Democrats. The recall of the Republicants was going to happen; the signatures in place were more than sufficient. And despite allegations of fraud and out of state handling of signatures for the recall of the 3 Democrats, there are sufficient signatures to proceed with their recall as well.

Good.

I'm not going to do what a lot of the left blogosphere has done and cry foul. These are the rules in Wisconsin and everyone has to play by them equally. But more than that this is a real test of whether or not Wisconsin can reverse course or not. Sure many of us in and outside of that state (I'm outside) want a specific outcome, but whether or not it actually happens will depend upon the voters themselves, and whether or not they've finally grown tired of all the bullshit or if they've succumbed to it.

I don't know which is correct, but I do believe that the outcome of these two elections will be a good indicator of which it is. I hope the answer is that we've finally grown tired of it all - but given how the recent Supreme Court election in Wisconsin went, I think it's too early to tell. I think the next 45 days are going to be ugly as sin (we're already seeing dirty tricks that would make Nixon blush) and I think a lot more is riding on what happens there than most people are publicly acknowledging.

The Republicants in Wisconsin decided that this was their battleground; that this was the place where they would implement the things they wanted done, from busting unions to wholesale firings of teachers, firefighters and police, to placing restrictions unheard of in Wisconsin on women's reproductive rights… the list is rather long. So the question really is, are the people of Wisconsin - one of the great union states with a history of people power - going to slide into ruin or take back what is theirs?

Either result will be a bell-weather of things to come for our country.

Cheap shots:

Um, excuse me, but doesn't this mean that we'll be paying more out of pocket next April 15 to make up the difference?

Newt might be fucked.

Someone please tase David Barton.

Yeah, but it will make a great prop for the remake of 2001; A Space Odyssey.

Seems to me that if you run for President you should know the difference between exaggeration and alliteration.

I wonder if the remaining money got left to any puppies. Or anyone claiming to be her puppy.

Dude, stop hitting yourself!

I am honestly curious how this will play out.

Hey! Maybe we're getting smarter!

Props.

Sometimes facebook just goes too far.

And because I love you, Shout Out Louds

Credit where credit is rated

I am gainfully employed. I earn a living and help support my family. In the last 15 years I have never been out of work longer than 3 months. I have never personally faced the gut-wrenching unemployment that 25 million Americans face.

So this development caught me by surprise. People are being turned down for jobs they are qualified for due to their credit ratings.

It works like this. A person loses their job. Bill pile up, payments become late, and credit ratings are hurt. Meanwhile the person keeps looking for a job, and finally gets a good interview - not just a starter interview but one with a person who can make a decision. The person is qualified, and would be a good fit for the company. Then the company runs their credit score, finds out that the person has poor credit, and therefore cannot be trusted to get the job. Which in turn hurts that person's credit rating further.

It seems to me that the whole concept of credit ratings has been twisted into something cruel. I concede the need for credit ratings - after all, there really are people who cannot pay the bills they try to acquire - but credit ratings are being exploited and used for things that have nothing to do with one's credit-worthiness. I mean, using it as a standard as to whether or not you should employ someone?

And to be honest, do credit card companies actually give a damn about credit scores? They constantly offer credit cards to people without good credit scores, and with interest rates that virtually assure that their credit scores cannot improve. Yes, having a credit card with a high interest rate will send your credit score down - it's one reason I don't have a credit card.

I think the whole credit system needs a re-boot. I don’t know how; that's something for people smarter than I am to work out. But I do recognize that the system we have now is broken, and is certainly going to get worse. You could argue effectively that it already has.

Cheap shots:

I have refused to fly Delta for a long time because their service is crap, but this is so fucked up that you should boycott them too.

As fucked up as the whole Weiner situation is, if he did it on private time and without using government funds then I don't give a shit. Same with David Vitter. I'll still ridicule them both as both did lie about it and Vitter in fact tried to pass himself off as a paragon of virtue, but neither one is a John Edwards, after all. But this is a problem.

On a side note (and there won't be a link) surfing through the internet without seeing Weiner's supposed Wang is proving to be difficult. Damn you information age!

But, it gets better!

At this point the only real surprise about this piece of terrible news is how unsurprising this is. And that it ranks this low in the cheap shots.

Can we have Julie Brown write a response song to her 1980's hit "I like them big and stupid"?

Ezra Klein vs. the health care industrial complex.

And he bitched about his predecessor's travel.

Or maybe it's Dick Cheney's soul sucking it all away.

Today's WTF moment provided by the North Carolina Republicants.

Short story theater.

Face it people, these fuckers  just don't want you working.

I watched this happen live(ish) and my first reaction to it all was dude, are you all right?

Awesome.

As always, Jesus' General delivers the goods.

Richard Dreyfus gives a dramatic reading you must hear.

I will be mayor Liz Lemmon, I will.

I have a theory that Dennis Miller lost someone he knew on 9/11 - someone he hasn't talked about publicly. To me it's the only thing that can explain how he went from liberal satirist to conservative douchebag so quickly. I think the same might be true of the man who was supposed to be the next Vice President. What a douchebag he's become.

On the flipside, apparently you need to be in a mid-life crisis to be a Republican.

Super Cool Biz.

I am so looking forward to June 20th.

And because I love you, Tommy Shaw and Kevin Cronin, being all classic rock and shit.

Not feeling it today

You know, when the hypocrisy of someone you admire comes up and bites you on the ass it really takes the wind out of your sails. This must be what it feels like to be Republican.

Cheap shots:

Google it.

Reality bites.

Wikipediots.

Sadness Lonely Boy, sadness.

The FBI has a reminder for Florida.

I guess the Republicant party really doesn't like Ron Paul.

BWAHAHHHAAHHAAHAHHAHHAAAA!

This should make the next Summer Olympics very interesting.

Dude, according to the lawyers I know (and I know a few) this actually increases the odds that you're going to do some jail time.

We want blood.

I've said it before about Republicants and Democrats alike - I don't give a damn about your sex life. Do what you want as long as it is safe and consensual. It's the lying that pisses me off.

I'm a let you finish!

What the final goal of the Tea Party really looks like.

And because I love you, Wax

Made it to Friday

Well, we all made it to another Friday so it's time to break out the Gin and decant some wine. Time for…

Cheap shots (get your drink on):

Give some love to Sarah Howard.

Dude, don't start your campaign by stealing a song.

Dude, don't start your campaign by identifying yourself with the fuckwad who kidnapped Jaycee Dugard.

Compare, contrast, and think about it.

There are so many good jokes to be made about this, but fuck it - I want it to be mentioned in the next James Bond movie.

This may be the most honest thing the man has ever written.

John, face it - you could be going to jail for this stupid shit. Such a let-down.

The Bitch™ is even more stupid than we all thought.

So your strategy is based upon the idea that our parents are all selfish bastards.

Wow. Taking men out of an equation? What kind of freak is this man?

Ride into the sunset.

They will defend the freedom to say what they want you to say.

So how will the Republicant plan really affect you? There's an app for that.

And because I love you, Whitesnake (but not the obvious one - I like this one better even if does feature every single excess of 80s hair metal you can think of)

Mandated morons

Anyone who claims that a mandate is unconstitutional is a fucking moron. The Republicants seem to go off over and over again about the mandate provision of the health care act passed in the early going of Obama's administration, without ever seeming to grasp the sheer idiocy of their position. So here I have created a short list of things that by their logic are unconstitutional:

Driver's Licenses. Hey, if you want to drive legally, you need a license. In fact, in most states you also need to carry auto insurance.

Photo ID. Assuming you don’t drive (or can't) the government still mandates that you carry some sort of photographic proof that you are who you claim to be.

Social Security numbers. If you want to work legally, you need one of these. In fact, the law states that you must have a social security card but that's hard to enforce. But you should notice that you have to actually go and get one as they aren't assigned at birth - even though they're needed for the tax returns of the parent of the child.

Hunting licenses. These are mandated by various states in order to hunt. Is The Bitch™ saying that when she shoots wolves out of helicopters that she doesn't carry a hunting license to do so?

Fishing licenses. See "Licenses, Hunting" above.

Education. You are required to get one in this country if you're a minor. That definition changes from state to state but every state mandates that a child must get an education until a certain age, whether it be at school or at home.

Green Cards. Hey, if you're not a citizen and you're here legally, you have one and you're generally required to have it with you at all times. But hey, furriners.

So unless you're a non-hunting, barely-literate, never-worked-a-day-in-your-life, stay-at-home freak (and there are surprisingly few of these) you should shut the fuck up.

Cheap shots:

So he's saying you should be locked up and/or deported if you attend one of his own speeches?

Dude, I don't mind the helicopter so much, but I have a bad leg and I can fucking walk 100 yards.

But maybe your role model is Jabba the Hutt.

As is often the case, Jon Stewart is freakin' brilliant. Dude, I'm a Californian and I know that you pick it up and fold it.

Dude, I like crawfish too but this is stupid.

Maybe it's time to settle the grey area of this. But these fuckers are cowards.

Yeah, I know, journalism and stuff, but she'd call it a "gotcha". On a side note, she should be careful about wearing this particular piece of jewelry (first picture) - according to her faith it might leave a mark.

Shep Smith really shouldn't be on Faux.

Leslie Nielson gives us one last laugh from beyond.

Yawn.

Today's WTF moment brought to you by a guy who used to sell pizza.

Maybe you should judge for yourself.

There's nothing good about this, but I get the sneaking suspicion that Rep. Weiner is kinda fucking with everybody and smiling privately.

But no one say "blowjob".

And because I love you, Todd Rundgren's Johnson. My apologies for the people talking.

Overload

You know, between the hoax of Weiner's dick pick, the fake "clean" vote on the debt ceiling today and the Palinese Liberation Front's tour of the east I simply can't get my outrage organized well enough. That and a death in the pantheon of musicians has hit home a bit. Therefore I give you a tribute to that musician, which can be found right after the…

Cheap shots:

I will never understand how a woman can vote Republicant.

I wonder if he expects her to jump out of a closet and yell "boo"!

Um, wow. There are so many satirical comments flashing through my brain that it jammed.

Somebody tase Andrew Breitbart. Repeatedly. In the nuts.

And because I love you, Gil Scott-Heron. Twice. He will be missed.