Tonight's drinking game!

So tonight comes the great speech. The moment where Donald John Trump addresses congress for his first State of the Union address. Here are my drinking rules for tonight:

1. 1.       Use of the non-word “bigly” means a shot.
2. 2.       Use of the words “trust me” in that order means finish your drink.
3. 3.       Any time he says any adjective that implies best, greatest, or superior without actually mentioning the United States, take a gulp.
4. 4.       Use of the word “vetting” means you finish your drink.
5. 5.       Any time he uses an exaggerated number means a shot.
6. 6.       Any time he says any adjective that implies best, greatest, or superior in reference to HIMSELF finish your drink.
7. 7.       Use of the words “make America great again” is a technical foul. Take two gulps. If accompanied by that red trucker hat (made in China) finish your drink and your neighbor’s too.
8. 8.       If he mentions his tax returns in any form, drink 15-22% of your drink.
9. 9.       If me mentions any property he owns take a shot
10. 10.   If he places blame for any problems on other people, take a drink. If he blames Democrats, ½ a drink. The military, 2 drinks. His own party, finish your drink. If he blames Obama, set your drink on fire, blow it out, then drink it. Mexicans, be sure you’re drinking tequila.
11. 11.   If he mentions leaks, take a shot. Maybe spill a little of it.
12. 12.   If he mentions how great a leader of another country is, that’s a shot. If it’s Putin, It’s a shot of vodka.
13. 13.   If he tweets during the address, that’s a six-pack you need to drink.
14. 14.   If he tweets during the Democratic Party’s response, that’s a shot.
15. 15.   If he makes up a word, take a shot
16. 16.   If he touches his hair, take 5 shots
17. 17.   If he makes you conscious of the size of his hands, take ½ a shot.
18. 18.   If he uses the word “unfair” finish your drink.
19. 19.   If he says “Obamacare” check your pulse while you take a shot.
20. 20.   If he places some sort of blame on the courts or on any justice of any court close your eyes and take a shot of whatever your friends hand you
21. 21.   If he mentions his wall, take 1/10 of a shot. I he manages to do it 10 times, take 10 shots.
22. 22.   If he mentions the popular vote or the electoral college regarding his own election, take a shot and pour ½ of it out into someone else’s drink. Drink that.
23. 23.   If he talks about Mexicans or Mexico in a derogatory fashion, put salt on the rim of your drink and finish it.
24. 24.   If he uses the words “Islamic Terrorism” take a drink of water.
25. 25.   If he manages to say something that contradicts something he said in the previous 60 seconds take a shot
26. 26.   If he says “Democrat Party” instead of “Democratic Party” at any point, take a punch to the genitals and then a shot.
27. 27.   If he mentions his familiarity with beautiful women, take a shot. If he mentions his daughter in that context, finish your drink and induce vomiting.
28. 28.   If you manage to check everything off this list, call 911 because you’re a gonna die otherwise.

As for me, for the first time in a very long time, several administrations now, I won’t be watching.  Because I think he’s going to do them all.