I'm Back

I don't like social media.

There. I've said it. 

Don't get me wrong I have a twitter account, a Facebook account (well, actually I have 4 Facebook accounts), a tumblr account. I use them. I use them a lot.

But I'm not social on them. I pontificate on matters political, share music, occasionally tell jokes and share news articles. That's it. I don't talk much about my life. Thing is, this is how most of my friends, scattered all throughout the globe, stay in contact with one another.

I have to use them. These are my friends, and I don't make friends easily. I desire their contact, but I know as well as anyone just how much data mining gets done on social media. I know exactly how much of your own rights are given away, and how much we are observed. I know how much is expended on the expansion of social media - the numbers are much more staggering than you'd believe, and it's worldwide.

A few years ago my brother's wife suddenly died. Two days later her picture, her lovely, smiling face was used in an ad for a sports bar on the other side of the country. I was enraged, but this is all part of what we give away for free on social media. Facebook pulled the ad, but still.

twitter allows racists with any form of power to remain on their platform, and quite frankly, I don't give a fuck about whatever any Kardashian or most other famous person is doing.

tumblr has been interesting, but they don't allow for some content.

I don't do Instagram. I just don't understand it.

I've tried. I've really tried. I even did a video blog for a few months. But I simply can't bring myself to share personal information on these platforms. I don't want to have conversations with my friends with every word unscrambled and every digital byte analyzed. And because web browsers use cookies that's yet another form of data mining.

I've even tried quitting. Twice. I couldn't do it, and was mocked soundly and deservedly for my failure.

So why am I bringing all this up? I find myself, at age 55, realizing that most of my friends don't know a damn thing about my life for probably the last several years. People I consider myself close to don't feel the same about me. I live far enough away from most of them that we can't just go over to each other's homes and let's face it, no one phones each other any more.

So here I am, hoping that we can catch up. If my friends want to know what's happening in my life, they need to come here. I'll still be on all those other platforms, doing what I do, but if you want to KNOW me, I'm here.

So, what's been happening?

Welp, 2019 was complicated. I worked on some music, but in March while driving to go visit my younger daughter at college I fell unconscious at the wheel. Four times. I woke up again each time within a few seconds, but we managed not to crash. Fortunately, many of the highways and freeways in central California are straight lines.

Anyway, to the doctor we go.

Who referred me to a neurologist, based upon my symptom, It could be anything from just a lack of sleep to ALS to blood cancer. I was tested for just about everything. It took months, and because of how we discovered it my driver's license was suspended.

Sleep apnea. Now light sleep apnea is when you stop breathing once or twice an hour. It happens to everyone. Moderate sleep apnea is about 10 times an hour. Worrisome is at about 15 times an hour. That's the point the recommend you start sleeping with those machines that put a mask on your face and make you sound like Darth Vader while you sleep.

My count was 59 times an hour. Think about that. Once a MINUTE in my sleep I stopped breathing.

Dayam!

You see, over the past few years I've had some weird health issues. A recurring infection in my leg (which is astonishingly painful), muscular weakness, forgetfulness, scars that don't heal - a whole list of things. I tripped on nothing and broke both of my arms. I am constantly in pain - every second of every day and nothing defeats it. I've come close a couple of times, but it always comes back and I've tried everything except acupuncture, which I will be trying soon.

But now the thinking is that I've been running on less oxygen than I'm supposed to. So I need a CPAP machine.

Oh dear lord, I'm going to have to shave my beard and somehow fight off the rather sever claustrophobia I've developed over the past couple of years just so that I can go to sleep. And William Shatner is going to come over to clean the damned thing once a month. Just too much.

Well, I didn't have to shave. Turns out there are all kinds of versions of these things - most of which you never see in those commercials. It also turns out that it's pretty easy to get used to having air blown up your nose - which surprised me.

In less than a month that 59 got down to 1-2 range. You wouldn't believe the difference that makes.

It's been hard to work on music during all of this. I have the new album written. In my head it's done. I've recorded some parts of different tracks, some of which really sounds great. But it hasn't been finished and it's making me crazy. If it turns out that the lack of Oxygen in my system has contributed to my issues in music I'm going to wind up owing the world an album a year for the next decade.

I say with no sense of humility that that is the best stuff I've ever written. I really want to share it with everyone. But something I've learned over the years is that the music simply doesn't work if it isn't a joy to perform, and with my health issues it's been more work than joy.

I've been on that CPAP machine two months now, and I feel more alive and awake than I have in ages. Years. I'm even going to try to get my driver's license back.

And then....

The evening of October 29th, as I'm on my way to the theater to see Hamilton after work I tear the meniscus behind my right knee while getting onto the train to get there. Literally 2 hours before curtain. My wife Cathy had won the tickets and I wasn't going to spoil this for her, so I went anyway. We had seats in the upper balcony (which were actually great seats) in a theater without an elevator. I had a rough evening but the show was fantastic. A couple of scans later and a cortisone shot and I'm still walking with a cane, but I'm hoping to change that in the next couple of weeks.

And then I got my identity stolen. What a way to end the year, right? I changed bank accounts and the damage has been minimal so far, but I get loan offers via either e-mail or text about once an hour. Sometimes twice a minute. It's annoying but I've found that if I just ignore them they go away.

But you know what? Despite everything, my life is good. I have a lovely wife whom I love and who loves me, two daughters who perplex the crap out of me but I love anyway, and so much music in my head and in my life that all I can really express, on a personal level, is joy. Yes, I rant at the world. I get angry at the crap that happens and can be fixed so freaking EASILY but we just DON'T.

But I'm a happy man.

And about joy. Have you heard of a band called Vulfpeck? I'm telling you, if I ever record a straight pop record I'm hiring these guys as my backup band. Take a look at this FULL CONCERT from earlier this year, recorded at Madison Square Garden..

If you are my friend you are the kind of person who are going to want to find the time to watch this. Trust me.

I'm going to do my best to keep this going, and let you all back into my life should you be interested. I have no idea how well I'm going to be at this - I'm no Wil Wheaton after all.

But this is the only place I'm going to do this. If you want to know the real me, this is where I will be, and I hope my friends remember and come to understand me again.

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Okay, getting back to work now. I want to deliver an album soon. I also want a new tatoo. Let's see what the year holds, shall we?